just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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