you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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