Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
