That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We left the knife in your bed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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