Are we in a gay sports bar?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Someone came in the potted fern
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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