grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude. I can hear the air.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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