I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
