College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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