I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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