You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
