We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
