You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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