you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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