she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
