I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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