I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
