All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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