i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
