She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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