Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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