im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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