I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
