idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
