So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
