i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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