Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
