Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
