Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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