am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
