i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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