put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
