The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
