Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
