my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
