Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
