My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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