I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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