Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
