she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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