oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
