so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
