we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
