I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
