I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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