I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
