I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
