I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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