Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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