I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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