dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
