even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
