Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
