There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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