Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
