Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
