im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
