How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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