opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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