Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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