dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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