You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
