I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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