I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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