Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He passed out mid-signature
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
