Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
