I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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