I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize