Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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