just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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