Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
