I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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