you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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